39 Weeks :)

We made it to 39 weeks.  I am hoping to not make it to 40 weeks though.  We have 5 1/2 days left of September.  I'm crossing my fingers we have this baby by the end of the week!  Friday would be ideal, but we'll see what happens.

My body is definitely getting ready.  I'm having sporadic contractions all day and the pressure in my pelvis is getting more and more intense.  I'm pretty sure she has dropped.  She is still not in the ideal anterior position, but hopefully she will turn when labor begins. 

I packed my hospital bag today.  I know most women have their bags packed much earlier but I really didn't want to live out of a suitcase for a month.  I am taking much less stuff to the hospital this time around.  I learned my lesson from last time.  I also packed two separate bags.  One is for the things I will need during labor and delivery and the other is for the things I will need for my hospital stay, which hopefully won't be too long of a stay.  Last time I packed everything in one large bag and Joe didn't want to haul it in when we first went into labor and delivery just in case we were sent home.  That resulted in not having our bag in our room until after Sunshine was born and it had our camera in the bag so we didn't get photos of her being born.  This time I have a small backpack with all the stuff we will need for labor and delivery.  That bag will definitely go in with us.

I finished writing our birth preferences a week or so ago.  Yesterday I took it with me to my appointment and went over it with the midwife who then signed it and scanned it into my electronic file so the nurses will have it when we go into labor and delivery.  I've heard it said so many times that you shouldn't write a birth plan because you will be disappointed with the outcome.  I've also heard people say that those who go to the hospital with a birth plan come out with a c-section.  I don't think this is true, if you go about it in the right way.  I feel like our birth preferences are completely reasonable and still leave room for whatever may happen.  It was important for me to write our preferences down because I do not want to be asked or have to discuss induction/augmentation or pain management, unless there is a real medical need.  I also like having our expectations written down so there is no question on the nurses end and also so we don't get the "routine" labor and delivery.  We hope our preferences are respected and we hope it helps us achieve the birth we have envisioned.

All that is left to do now is wait, and do whatever we can to help jump-start labor.  We hope she comes very soon!

38 weeks

Today marks 38 weeks and boy am I feeling it!  I went to my appointment with my midwife yesterday and found out that the baby was posterior.  I have gotten her to turn for the time being.  I'm hoping she stays that way because I don't think back labor would be good for me with my herniated discs.  I've been feeling back pains with some of my braxton hicks contractions.  Hopefully when it comes time for labor and delivery she will get in the right position. 

The midwives don't "check" their patients prior to labor and delivery so I don't know if I'm dilated or effaced at all.  They don't do it because there is an increased risk of infection and it doesn't really help one way or the other.  I was kind of bummed but at the same time, the baby will come when the baby wants to.

I tested negative for Group B Strep.  One less thing to have to consider.  Also, they offered me a flu shot and the pertussis vaccine.  I was hesitant but realized that we were heading right into the beginning of flu season and I wanted to arm my baby girl with as much protection as possible.  I told the nurse that the last time I got the pertussis vaccine it didn't hurt at all afterward.  I didn't even feel it when they gave it to me.  I am thinking it was a pertussis only vaccine.  The one they gave me yesterday was the T-DaP (tetanus, diptheria, and pertussis).  So she put the flu shot in my right arm and the T-DaP in my left arm...I'm left handed.  My left arm is in so much pain!  It is sooooo sore!  I can't move it without it hurting a lot.  I didn't sleep much at all last night and can't get comfortable at all.  I blame it on the tetanus.  Ouch! 

The clinic I go to is a group practice so whoever is on call when I go into labor is the midwife that will deliver our baby.  Yesterday I met one of the midwives I hadn't met yet and I am really hoping she delivers our baby.  I asked her questions about the delivery and how lenient they will be with me during my labor to avoid another c-section.  She made me feel like she would give me a fair chance with my VBAC and made me feel more comfortable than some of the others have.   Not that the others have expressed a strict atmosphere but she just made me feel more at ease with it all.

I really want this baby to be born in September, not October.  I don't know why, maybe because I don't want to throw Halloween themed birthday parties every year.  September just sound like a good month.  I'm hoping she will be born next week sometime.  I think the 27th would be a good day.  We're working on it :)

3 more weeks!

We are 37 weeks pregnant and have only 3 weeks until our guess date!  We are officially considered "full-term" but I think this baby needs some more time to fatten up. 

We've been busy with preparations.  The nursery is complete, her clothes are washed, and all baby gear has been cleaned and is ready to go.  Joe and I have been practicing relaxation techniques and I've been listening to my birth affirmations.  It is helping me stay more calm and less anxious as we wait for this baby's arrival.  Last night we took Sunshine to a Sibling Class at the hospital.  They talk to the big brothers and big sisters about what a baby is like and teach them some rules to follow.  Then they show them how to put a diaper on, wrap a baby in a blanket, and how to hold them.  They then take the kids on a tour of the labor and delivery unit and the mom and baby unit.  I think it was a bit over Sunshine's head, but she loved the class and is taking such good care of her baby doll.  She said yesterday, "We will go to big sister class and then baby will come out of your belly."  She is excited and I hope she does well when the baby does come. 

My body is definitely gearing up for the event.  I'm having more and more Braxton Hicks contractions that seem to last longer and longer.  I'm also having a lot of pelvic pressure, it hurts to walk for a bit after sitting.  Another thing that is new this time around, I've been having menstrual cramp-like feelings.  I try not to complain much about it all because it just means that my body is getting ready and that's a good thing.

One more thing I'm doing to "prepare" for this baby is pampering myself.  I've been seeing a chiropractor for the past couple of weeks which has helped me sleep so much better.  Tonight I am getting a prenatal massage.  I'm so excited about this, I love massages, they always make me feel amazing.  Next week I plan to get my haircut and get a mani/pedi.  After I'm done with all that this baby is more than welcome to join our family.

We are excited!  Thanks for all your support through this journey!

Nursery

I was a little hesitant to post the nursery, because it doesn't look "Pinterest worthy" and my camera is a simple point and shoot and doesn't take great photos.  Then I read an article about how moms need to stop judging each other and stop being so critical of themselves.  It made me realize that it doesn't matter that the nursery isn't perfect.  I love it and baby will be comfortable in it and it is how I want it to be.  It's cozy and perfect for us.  :)

This was not the nursery I had envisioned, but it's what we ended up with and we like it.  I had plans to paint the room but my husband and I were done with house projects for awhile, so we kept the neutral tan color.

My husband told me if I didn't make him paint the room then he would let me buy a rocking chair.  I found this on KSL classifieds and got it for a steal.

I love finding free printables on Pinterest.  I love instant, free art.

I found this one here.

And this one here.

I love this print!  I got it at Ikea for $12!  It was a lot larger, so I cropped it.  Who needs a bunch of white space, right?  Even after cropping it, it is still a pretty large picture.  Sunshine loves this picture, and I'll probably buy another one to put in her room.   (Also, notice my awesome reflection? haha!)

I have plans to maybe make a crib skirt, I just don't have the energy right now.  It may be a project for later, after baby comes.

That's the quilt I still need to finish.  I had planned to finish it at my mother in law's house last weekend but ended up not being able to make the trip.  My sewing machine doesn't have a perfect stitch and I want it to look nice since it will be quilted.  Hopefully I can finish it before baby arrives.

Dresser/changing table.  Can I just tell you the deal I got on this dresser?  I was browsing the clearance at Target and noticed this beauty.  Regularly $299 and was marked down to $75!  It was awesome and it looks great in the nursery.

I have plans for some more wall art above the dresser.  I have to wait until after the baby is born though, because we still haven't decided the name yet.

I made this mobile and unfortunately the picture does not do it justice.  I found the tutorial for this here.  It was a fun, simple, quick project and it is so much more fun and more modern than what you can buy at the store.  It was also pretty cheap, less than $10.  I did buy way too much felt though, so it probably costs around $5

So, there it is, our nursery.  We are so excited to bring our baby girl home and enjoy this space with her.  I love how it has turned out and I promise you, the pictures really don't do it justice.  This is such a fun time for our family.  The anticipation and excitement is building.  Sunshine talks daily about baby sister and give her kisses and snuggles.  She often asks when baby sister is coming.  Soon, I hope, soon.  She also loves that rocking chair.  It has become our new reading spot before quiet time and bed time.  

As we've been getting things out for baby and buying some things Sunshine asks about them and we tell her its for baby sister.  She then says, "Baby sister will share with me."  Haha, she is so funny and she is so excited to meet her baby sister.  Only 4 more weeks until our guess date!

7 weeks left!

We are nearing the end of this pregnancy and the excitement is building.  I feel sooo much better emotionally than what I had been feeling a few months ago.  I'm back to cooking and cleaning again and I am much more patient with my little 2 year old Sunshine.  Life is going pretty great right now.  Time to switch things up, right? 

Joe and I have been attending our Hypnobirthing class for the past 3 weeks.  We have one more session and I'm kind of sad about it.  It has been a great bonding experience for us.  He has been supportive in helping me practice the different relaxation techniques and is totally on board with it all, even though some of it may seem a bit cheesy.  This class has made us complete believers in painless natural birth.  Any woman is capable of having a painless natural birth, she just needs the right tools to get her there. 

The fears and anxieties I have been feelings are pretty much gone.  I feel confident and empowered that things will go how I want them to this time around.  Thanks to the Hypnobirthing class, I am going to have an awesome birth!  I can't wait to blog about the entire experience on here.

I have been busy getting things ready for baby girl.  Her room was cleared out last week.  Since moving into our home it had become a "catch all" room.  Now, it just has a crib and a rocking chair.  I'm excited to decorate it over the next few weeks and get a dresser and a few other things in there.

Sunshine graduated from a toddler bed to a twin size bed.  She transitioned well and loves her new bed.  She is so excited to be a big sister.  She talks about her baby sister every day and asks when she will be here.  She can't wait and neither can we!

11 Weeks

**Warning** this is a very "scatter-brain" like post.

We are in the third trimester and time seems to be slipping away.  Nothing too exciting has been going on.  I did take my glucose test which is always enjoyable.  I was told no news is good news and I haven't had a phone call about it since taking the test 2 weeks ago so I guess I'm good. Word of advice for those of you who will be taking it in the future...if you have a choice, choose the lemon-lime flavor over the orange flavor, it's so much better!  I was given the orange one when I was pregnant with Sunshine and it was absolutely awful.  This time I was given a choice.  I went with the lemon-lime after seeing that there were 100+ orange flavored drinks and about 10 lemon-lime flavored drinks in the fridge.  It was only half as awful as the orange, still awful, but not as awful. 

This pregnancy seems to have flown by.  Every week I get a little bit more anxiety as time just slips away.  This dang anxiety I have been dealing with is just terrible.  I'm hoping the Hypnobirthing class Joe and I will be taking will help to ease that.

Oh, yeah, Joe and I signed up to take the Hypnobirthing class at the hospital.  It's a 4 session course and each class is 3 hours long.  There are several girls in my ward who have taken the class and told me it's a must if you're attempting a drug-free natural birth.  They teach you breathing techniques and visualization techniques and other things to deal with the pain of childbirth.  I am hoping it will work well for Joe and I.  I have A LOT of anxiety about this birth, I'm assuming because of my experience with Sunshine's birth, and there is some risk and a lot of uncertainties. 

I was thinking about hiring a doula, but I don't think I will.  I have a hard time getting to know people and feeling comfortable around them so I worry that I won't do well with a doula, somebody I don't know.  I'm hoping Joe and I will be able to handle it all together.  I don't know.

Several people have said something along the lines of "Oh, you must be ready for that baby to come."  Honestly, I'm not.  There are countless reasons why, along with my fears and anxieties.  If you've met Sunshine you know how crazy that girl is.  She has a ridiculous amount of energy and is extremely strong-willed.  I ask myself everyday "How am I going to handle another one?!"  I honestly don't know, but it is really starting to stress me out.  I love my little Sunshine so much, but man, she is a handful!

Joe and I still haven't named this little girl yet.  We keep saying we need to, but we really haven't thought or talked much about it.  Probably because of all of my underlying issues.  I also haven't started making a baby blanket for her.  Her room is a complete mess, and just has a bunch of random junk in there.  No paint has been picked for her room.  I haven't gone through my large stash of baby items yet to see what I will need for her.  I just keep putting it all off.

Don't get me wrong, she is a wanted child and she is loved.  The trauma that I experienced when Sunshine was born has really made this pregnancy difficult.  I haven't found a way to move past it and maybe I won't.  Maybe what it will take is having a successful, positive birthing experience this time around.  But that is still an unknown and is still very scary to me.   

I'm grateful to have a husband who is very supportive and lets me cry at random and will comfort me whenever I need it.  I'm grateful he has been there through my crazy thoughts and crazy emotions.  (I really think I am going crazy).  And I am grateful to Sunshine for being so caring whenever I cry.  She always hugs me and kisses me and tells me to be happy.  I don't think I could deal with this anxiety and depression without them.  I am also grateful for this little baby girl in my belly.  I really want this experience to be the best for both of us.  I love her already.

Anxious.

It has been about a month since I have posted on this blog.  Which is really ridiculous since after my last post I have had several close family and friends tell me that they enjoy reading it and are glad that I am doing it.  I just sort of hit a rough patch there and lost focus on a lot of things.

I have debated back and forth about whether or not I should post anything about what I have been experiencing in the last few weeks.  I ultimately decided that I could no longer be secretive about it or continue to feel ashamed and guilty.  It needs to be talked about just as much as VBAC needs to be talked about because I don't think it is discussed much at all amongst pregnant women or mothers.  So, here it goes.  Just so you know, I am feeling a lot of anxiety over this.

With my first pregnancy all I felt was excitement and joy.  Sure I had my moments where I was anxious and worried about my baby, but it wasn't overwhelming just normal thoughts and concerns.  This time around, in the last couple of weeks, I have been experiencing overwhelming anxiety and depression.  So much so that I discussed it with my midwife at my last appointment.  She told me it happens to a lot of women during pregnancy due to the hormonal changes going on in the body and can lead to postpartum depression.  That scares me.

I have dealt with depression since I was 16.  Its not hard for me to recognize and seek help when it comes.  For some reason this time it has been overwhelming.  Perhaps it's because it is accompanied with intense anxiety.  I have experienced anxiety before but nothing like this. 

I have only ever heard about postpartum depression.  There isn't much discussion out there regarding antepartum or antenatal depression.  It effects about 20% of pregnant women.  From my personal experience with it, it is awful!  I have lost focus on pretty much everything.  I'm not eating very well either which is putting my baby at risk.  Not to mention the never-ending stressed-depressed-anxious feelings I am constantly having that is also putting my baby at risk.  

Now, I am not talking about this here because I want you to feel sorry for me.  I am talking about it because it isn't talked about.  Until a week ago I didn't know this was something that affected pregnant women.  Had I not read about it in a birth story that I read a few weeks ago I would have never thought pregnancy could bring about depression and anxiety.  And now that I am experiencing it, I want other pregnant women to be aware of it and not feel ashamed or guilty. 

I am figuring out ways to cope with my antepartum depression.  I'm continuing to go to my water aerobics class which helps and I'm relying more on my faith and relationship with my Heavenly Father to get through it.  At this point I have chosen not to take any medications for it because everything crosses the placenta and I don't want the medication to affect my baby. 

If you are experiencing antepartum depression let your care provider know.  They will help you understand that you aren't alone and you aren't broken.  There are a number of ways to deal with it, whether it be exercise, talk therapy, or medication.  You have to begin taking care of it so your baby isn't put at risk.